im online

when you gonna chat me?

¨come over¨

when  you gonna say

¨YES¨

today is like this:

i want big things

you came knocking on my door but before then asked for my number.

i prefer exact messages during night time.
i prefer not remembering details

eyes get red
as does cheeks
as does a large vibrator.

dont have enough cash
wont say no to you.

2 years in the same spot with friction

will try to not use my phone at work today.
will try to remember that i hate the way you move your  face as your talking with someone who has rabies.

will not eat meat.
cats
or
animals

vanilla ice cream called me after lunch. i said no because i had a date with frozen yogurt.

MLK JR

i had a dream where i found out i was pregnant but i was already 7 months pregnant

i said, "oh shit, i've been binge drinking this whole time"

NEXT WEEK

I WILL PROBABLY CHANGE IT TO THIS

MY DESKTOP IS THIS

What I need to do

is not watch breaking bad episodes to the point where it interrupts work and or studies. What I need to do is fry my brain and create fajitas with it in a skillet. WHO'S HUNGRY?? What I need to do is have a lobotomy and be given a lollipop right after with a comforting pat on the shoulder that says, "it's okay, it's okay"

a brain can be the best and worst thing to own as a human

NOT A HAM SANDWICH

gave my one month notice at work

you know what I feel like?

FROSTED FLAKES.

just because i feel good today

FALSE ALARM

would like like to write a story about a place that doesn't admit abortions. would like to call this place Spain. would like the protagonist to be a young girl early twenties chinese eyes with some sort of belly. she starts thinking why and waits a while and thinks about how promiscuous she has been and the ¨un safe¨ fun she had.

Lucia has a list on spotify that she plays on repeat. every time she enters a house before asking for permission she logs on to the computer,  plays her lists and creates new intimate memories with each song.

to speed up the process she´s having sex.
to speed up the process she´s having sex.

to speed up the process she sends four text messages saying:

¨if you are ever going to meet me the time is NOW. i will use the word EMERGENCY without hesitation. my place-- seven o clock. saying NO CAN ONLY BRING YOU DANGER.¨

 her house fills with men from 6:45-7:15

(insert drawing)

i think that guys who wear pants and long sleeve shirts in the summer are the devil

he always escapes by saying ¨im pooing¨ come with me and check it¨

blogging under the influence

when you have a superiority complex nothing will satisfy you except this little pill that makes things feel extra nice. this chair feels nice. this air smells nice. hey i'm dressed too casual for this venue but it's okay because my face is nice. feel like my dance moves are out of this world amazing. i mean my dance moves are something you would see in mars or even jupiter. if you doubt this then we obviously shouldn't be in the same room together.

used a condom today which felt like the penis had armor on. world of warcraft is one of my favorite games and I don't care if people question my social skills.

going to the restroom to confirm that i am attractive

i don't like when strangers call me sweetheart

I don't want up be so blunt about it by that alone makes me puke.

hello my name is carla.

got rejected three times today all to realize that the only thing i need in my life is spinach.

at work circle jerk

after i drink a cup of coffee i feel like a brand new woman, reborn and caffeinated.
how can i help you?
just watched a grimes music video and felt compelled to do something socially unacceptable. spent the last hour looking up information on nipple piercings for some new kind of stimulation. will probably play it safe and try only the right nipple.
got bored and looked at pictures of cats on instagram for 15 minutes. i get paid to browse social networks and watch breaking bad episodes on netflix. this is when you'd use the phrase, "good deal."
the pizza i ordered was just delivered and i don't care if it goes straight to my ass.

i'm having a great day

TWO FUNNY THINGS THAT IVE DONE TODAY

August 14, 2012. tuesday

A STORY ABOUT FREEDOM

MOSTLY FICTIONAL.

smoked a lot of hash with my aunt uncle cousin and her boyfriend Ken yesterday. today i feel as if i need a lot of sugar and yogurt. woke up thinking about yeast infections and bacteria. didn't want to eat after that so just had a coffee with a lot of milk. always thought that i could be one of those people but now i think otherwise.

usually can tell if someone is boring or not. if you talk to me very closely i can think two things. i don't want to be violent with customers, butttt. its only 18:40 and i am falling a sleep. my phone won't ring today. i yelled this at my neighbor and he looked at me feeling bad. i went in from my balcony to stare at the mirror.

having some sugar now and wondering why. can't decide weather to put my coffee in this glass of ice or not.

would like to send a message to 7 different people saying ¨FEED ME¨

would like only ONE good response.

From now on

can I just call you babes?

PLEASE

DONT FORGET ME

KAT

Stop using  words like ¨FART¨ and ¨VOMIT¨

stats show that we lost all our ¨respectable¨ female readers and all our ¨horny¨ male readers.

not looking good...

try using words like ¨respect¨ ¨SELF RESPECT¨ ¨SEX¨ ¨acid¨ ¨HOT VOLCANO¨

meeting adjured.

i lower my standards

i dont care who you are. i say this until we spend two minutes talking. im yawning very aggressively even though i ´ve been sleeping all day and am everything but tired.

i´d rather be alone than hang out with you.

HERES THE SITUATION. its 12pm and im still sleeping. my insides are yelling NOOOOOOO. yesterday i watched three movies and ordered sushi and ate it in bed while watching the news room. the show ended in a beautiful way which was obvious as it had that cold play song playing. if i ever want to think of anything dramatic id use coldplay and they´d  help.

sort of miss my ex boyfriend jason because he was the kind of guy i would have lunch with on a saturday morning.  today is saturday and its 1pm and im still alone.

RELAX THIS ISN´T ABOUT YOU

MADE THIS LITTLE THING. HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

CLICK ME

IM SORRY

That i haven´t replied to your emails.

ive been busy

doing

...

but here´s this:


 

GAS

during yoga i needed to fart immensely. "mind over matter" means doing 10 sun salutations and various other poses while keeping it in like an airtight container.

then i walked outside once class was over and released the fart into the wild.
i said, 'goodbye, my friend'

but it didn't answer

hello little imigrant.

ordered a bloody marry cause thought the vodka would make me shine a little.

shortly realized that a coffee could also do this but maybe  less naturally.
will order a green tea though.
¨compensating for defects¨ is the title of my life story.

thought about texting someone to hang out with but realized i prefer not talking.
would rather eat a cake in 30 seconds without breathing could eat an entire cake if it were carroty.

bloody marry´s makes me want a sandwich.

in a place called ¨Naif¨
once was on a date here. went well until the ending. we got really wasted and forgot that we were spending time with eachother. was really intimately nice with his friends especially a girl who was half ¨gogo¨  half  ¨mother¨

i thought respect because some people just deserve it.

dont like it when people scream louder than me. dont like it when i realize that im actually quite American.

wish certain people would look me up and say ¨come here, come on over¨

things that i like right now

• Delacroix ¨unmade bed¨
• Leon Ferrari ¨ciudades¨
• Daniel Clowes ¨Ice Haven¨

PROBABLY HAVE TOO MANY PAIRS OF PANTS.
PROBABLY COULD MAKE ME FEEL OUT DATED.

I AM OUT DATED.
OUTDATED LIKE BLINK 182.

Hypothetically thinking ¨like why¨

talking about racism is boring. but ill do it anyways.

ive always liked indians.

the dark men on my street have attempted to steal my phone regularly.

so far im not alarmed nor completely ready. jackie chan had his own cartoon and thats what made him interesting. in the end of the show he would be relaesed form his animated state to send a humanly live message to the kids. one coud´ve been ¨ dont drink and drive¨

i hated drivers ed class because it wasted my time. i never want to be completely eligible to be behind the wheel. i think.

i can be bossy like:

¨go to the grocery store and get a yogurt for my yeast infection¨

¨but let me make a juice first¨
¨no¨
¨but i cant go to the street without something in my stomach i feel inhumane and weird¨

bleach

sometimes i look at an article of clothing and think,
"man, i got really messed up in this"

seems comforting, knowing that your clothes have been there with you, living through it

SUMMER AND SWEAT

been starting a lot of sentences with ¨hi hi¨

that is however if i dont start it with saying
¨whaaaaaaaat¨

would it be weird if i only left voice memos and decided to stop texting?

i am home alone and cant tell if im in a ¨good state of mind¨

i sent 12 textes to 15 different people
COMPANY I CRAVE YOU


just ate an ice cream sandwich,  there was nothing else to cope with.
not sitting well. would love to be able to take a long shit right now..

Paranoia

Today I made the decision while being high that I will post a photo of myself like every other person on instagram

It feels weird and foreign and very unlike me

I mean I'm cute and all
But I want to take it down

Not sure if I will feel this way after I am sober

MDMA

Is not a drug. It is a potion that's called LET THE TRUTH RUN WILD.

How many times did I say i love you last night?

Maybe 20

You said stop and I promised id repeat myself in the morning.

My tongue is a sleep.

Wake me up.

Today

We woke and took a cold shower then ran to an American diner and shared one burger, onion rings and a cookies and cream milk shake.

My foot is hiding under my leg. My butt loves falling a sleeping more than Shitting.

Puke world

After a long night of drinking and throwing up I told myself "I'm never going to do this again" followed by, "Who am I kidding"

I felt really confident and masculine like I could drink everyone under the table. I took multiple shots of sake, soju, and raspberry wine. I took a tequila shot at the end. I drank several beers. Dead.

I threw up in a friend's car. I threw up outside of the car. I threw up on my shoes and blazer and $50 Victoria's Secret bra. I threw up at K's house. We both showered and threw up IN the shower.

I threw up the next day until 5pm while saying FUCK YOU fuck you fuck you to myself each time as punishment.

This is why alcohol is the worst drug on earth

Today

While watching the dark knight rises I mixed Doritos with chocolate balls. Shortly after I felt cold and placed a wet beach towel on top of me and fell a sleep.

For breakfast I slapped a tomato on bread with cheese and ham. Very basic. One cup of red tea and orange juice.

FAT PIZZA

Will document everything i eat while in Barcelona.

Will make it very interesting.

finding my self in situations that involve no sleep should be the title of my life story

when im drunk i get narcissistic. LIKE i need to show everyone my art. and everyone my writing. and im the best the BEST THE BEST THE BEST AND MY VOICE GETS LOUDER AND LOUDER UNTIL IM SCREAMING IN PEOPLES EARS UNTIL EVERYONE WALKS AWAY AND IM ALONE.

in the airport. should be in barcelona by now but im not. the wheel needs to be changed and the passengers were told to un load themselves. i have yet to tell the person who i am meeting about this. want to try to be mysteriously late and interesting. i sent him a message around 4 am saying
¨creo que no voy a dormir¨

no response.

i am so clever.

i love me.

i was not drunk when i said it but i had two gins at work and then later two beers in a cheesy karaoke. i did not sing. i dont like seeing people who i´ve slept with flirt with people who possibly could give them a B.J.  makes me feel uncomfortable and secure about my feminity but in a negative way. like i am a lady sheep.

my butt cheeks are sleeping. i am on a cold floor.

feeling good after drinking a coffee and eating  a sausage mc muffin. always feels like home in the sense that it reminds me of big daddy.

Rejected instagram photo

When you drive a car you must wash it occasionally or people will judge you
#carwash

real mothafuckin talk

I'M USING PROACTIV AND IT'S NOT WORKING

(IT MIGHT BE BECAUSE I EAT LIKE A 500 LB MAN)

I LIKE TYPING IN CAPS BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE KANYE WEST
(I LIKE KANYE & KIM TOGETHER)

I'VE BEEN HAVING ENLIGHTENING CONVERSATIONS LATELY

I'VE BEEN DRAWING SHIT LATELY

I FEEL CONTENT WITH SHIT

I'M MOVING IN WITH K IN ONE MONTH

SHIT IS DANDY

my brain is a bitch

my brain turns positive things into negative things

it's an everyday struggle dealing with the inner workings of my mind

and depression

and self doubt

and all these trivial factors of life

(it's harder than it looks)

someone get me an olympic medal

Sometimes you need to be boring

Using age as an excuse for doing guilt-ridden things

Caressing the pimple on my left cheek in a calm, loving manner

Checking social networks one last time before bed

Laying here with wet hair

Being
boring
in
every
sense
of
the
word