Dear girl,

I imagine what you´re saying and what I mean is that I see your bra coming off and your boobs hanging but not hanging low, hanging good as if there´s some sort of invisible bra being used or something, I don´t know. I am drinking a coffee. I had a horrible saturday, it involved too much wine and not enough being around intelligence. All yesterday I stayed home, never showered and had nothing on but a t-shirt and black underwear. I stayed on the sofa under a blanket watching boardwalk empire while thinking ¨this is a bad world¨

I wake up in the morning and look around me and forget where I am who I am and what is next to me. this is something that happens and when it does I can´t remember the year nor the date.

For the Love, who will be with me, when i am not alone.

 If my future husband could travel in time.

- are you drinking right now?
-yes.
-why?
-because I'm waiting to meet you

IDEA 2
(add bird drawing)

a story about a very tired bird who won't fly because he´s scared of catching wind and having it feel harassing.

pg. 1

i will not
turn the fan on
i want to sweat.

She is sitting alone. she is not sure what to feel. the first page in her notebook says this:

i read to be excited until i get excited then stop to make a list of all the things i want to change like my diet and television and what my mind does when i watch it and wanting to be stoned but never getting stoned due to the fight of the want to feel different.


she stood up, looked out the window and began to walk after a very attractive man who just left a  liquor store.

i followed you for one minute. it felt wild because i knew that you would notice me if you gave me enough thought.  these thoughts would come the second you looked at my face- you´d think ¨hey that´s style¨ and would begin to take my picture. you would take my picture for three days. then you´d leave to take pictures of someone who is similar but  mentally normal and physically impossible to resist.

hi,

if you looked at my entire self from a far you would notice the thickness of my hair, my tits and lastly how i should be standing straight and how that´s  a pity. i would look at you and snare. i´d remember to straighten my back. you would notice me doing a weird movement and you'd find this entire process attractive.

ATE TOO MUCH

Everyday has the same conclusion.

The Philipines part A.2

 

XXXXXXXXX

CARLA

Made this today:

 

hey girlz!

you want to talk about soy milk? i do.
my grandma says that we are going to get back pain from staring at the computer all day. its not my fault that our large breasts were given thanks to her strengthening gene pool.
im jealous about the wild things you did yesterday.

i stayed home and tried to swim and went around a dirty neighborhood to buy 6 mangos and five pork bbq strips.

do i miss spain?
do i miss men?
do i miss having a hot body next to me?

i wont answer that.

this soy milk is in a glass bottle and it takes 250 of my daily calories.
want to stop eating shrimp chips though.

no body gets letters anymore.
i am currently filling up a book titled ¨Us and the lonely ranger are two different vibes¨
i will send it to my most important lover with a note attached saying ¨do you think this is too much?¨

my life has come to this

SPAM > ORGASM

homeland base

PICTURES OF LATELY. CORON PHILIPPINES

We can define paradise in two different ways. But I won't be so negative with you.

Heat stroke from
Too much
Family
And too
Little
Socializing
With people
My size

out of the game. took a bread out of my freezer unfroze it with a hot pan on fire and stuck it in my mouth after spreading an amazing amount of jam all over its body. spilled a large amount of brown sugar in my coffee and suffering the consequences as im gaining a sweet tooth. sent several messages stating that its 12PM. . im still in bed and i´m an octopus.

this is one of those tests. the kind of tests that say nothing but are done to form a weird conclusion because things can feel boring and we need excitement or will want to kill ourselves, or plainly, be ok with dying when we are crossing the street with a box of Chinese food in our hands. i like thinking about you because it makes me think about nothing. it makes time stop and im not being emotional. sometimes i feel like i scare men. i never scare my friends though. i never scare people who really know me because they just think ¨ok, thats carla¨ sometimes i stay awake and chat with old friends from sanfrancisco. we talk about the things that have changed and the things that will never. what im saying is simple. dont be afraid of me because i want nothing but distant, infrequent, genuine attention. the second that you are un willing to give me exactly this simply write me a message saying ¨NO MORE¨ in capitals. ok. ok? yes x

but you know what?

dont have a boyfriend because im too selfish to think about anyone but me and also because i like cooking rice alone and refreshing my facebook and receiving text messages from possible counter parts. like going on dates because people act weird but sometimes are comfortable and its all this one big ego boost. or not, or the opposite. had a dream that my dad was a drug addict. wrote him about it. wrote him about it in detail. thinking of that time when i complained to you about how jason was too short and you told me to tell him in a compelling tone that he should ¨work on his posture¨ miss the way we use to twirl those flags on the foot ball field. miss the way we werent aloud to be around each other for ¨the rest of our colorguard career¨ miss how our color guard career didnt last long. miss how we both moved away to different schools and hated most people around us as they felt boring. miss mac n cheese and lotion on my feet and rubbing my feet on your head and pretending i was 19.

amen to shit

Barcelona week three. my feet hurt because i keep wearing my gray doc martins to work and they are not as comfortable as a regular pair of Adidas. yesterday i went to a Martin Parr exhibition titled souvenirs. here are some photos.

then after i went to a terrace to have a drink with some new friends and some girls. then after it started to rain, i went home and people left on their motos. during the beers i felt tired. not sure if it was because i felt lazy to listen to uninteresting spanish things or because i was tired in a serious way. after being home for a couple of minutes i met another similarly close to me depressed friend and had beers with him in a semi fancy place and ate french fries. while eating the chips i noticed that i hogged mostly all of the sauce and felt selfishly bad about this. we talked about a lot of weird things and ended the conversation closely in front of my house with a lesson on the one hundred breaths of meditation. so far i feel the good and comfortable.

Things that I´ve learned from moving to Barcelona:

when jumping dramatically from one city to the other note that you will spend a lot of money on things like laundry detergent and spend 45percent of your time thinking about why you packed your suitcase at 5 in the morning one hour before your plane takes off. You will notice that your new job is not as good as the old one because you are working 40 hours a week and making 6 euros an hour and you cant sit down because you are folding a shirt for the 579th time, in a row. you notice a lot of fashion weird things that you like. you gain a new perspective on women as consumers and make small bar graphs in your head comparing ages and items chosen and mother with child vs children alone and teenagers trying to steal percentage comparisons. dont make a lot of effort to get to know your work mates because they are nice and did it all for you and notice that you are cool and really expand on including you in conversations because they're curious about why your eyes are a little slanty. you think about why you spend all your slave money on the 40percent employee discount. you constantly feel nostalgic and think about your sister and how your aunts would take you to union square in san francisco with a budget of 100 dollars. this is exciting. i have trouble expanding my energy. i don´t drink so much. i spend on food. my legs are pulsing. cant think about men or bad habits. miss Madrid because its home. like getting lost here. reminds me of reincarnation and one of those salt rock lamps. reminds me of being on a boat and jumping off and seeing a jelly fish. my co workers are pushing me to read ¨the 50 shades of grey¨ woah.

in short

my belly hurts. no one replied to any of my text messages so i treated myself to KFC and got 7 pieces of spicy wings with a side of mash potatoes.

then i stuffed my nose.