Fucksgiving. Where you give fucks

It's only 10:13am and I am already bitter. Going to two different family feasts which means massive calorie consumption. It also means forcing my body to take a shower and put on a decent outfit and slap some cosmetics on my face to look more 'awake.' Saying hello and faking smiles and pretending to care about what you are saying. Making an obligatory appearance. Being physically there but mentally aloof. Can I just stay home today and eat the pot brownie in the fridge and watch bad reality television that is actually good and then eat a thanksgiving feast in solitude? All I want to do is boycott things that normal people do. Not feeling social today. It's a good day to have a clone.

out of the game. took a bread out of my freezer unfroze it with a hot pan on fire and stuck it in my mouth after spreading an amazing amount of jam all over its body. spilled a large amount of brown sugar in my coffee and suffering the consequences as im gaining a sweet tooth. sent several messages stating that its 12PM. . im still in bed and i´m an octopus.

this is one of those tests. the kind of tests that say nothing but are done to form a weird conclusion because things can feel boring and we need excitement or will want to kill ourselves, or plainly, be ok with dying when we are crossing the street with a box of Chinese food in our hands. i like thinking about you because it makes me think about nothing. it makes time stop and im not being emotional. sometimes i feel like i scare men. i never scare my friends though. i never scare people who really know me because they just think ¨ok, thats carla¨ sometimes i stay awake and chat with old friends from sanfrancisco. we talk about the things that have changed and the things that will never. what im saying is simple. dont be afraid of me because i want nothing but distant, infrequent, genuine attention. the second that you are un willing to give me exactly this simply write me a message saying ¨NO MORE¨ in capitals. ok. ok? yes x

Dear Carl,

This bottle reminds me of a time when you mixed a bunch of random liquors in it (in the name of fun). Our naive minds were not yet privvy to this sort of thing and so we concocted the most vile-tasting substance in all of San Francisco. Who would have thought you would go on to become a bartender thousands of miles away.

but you know what?

dont have a boyfriend because im too selfish to think about anyone but me and also because i like cooking rice alone and refreshing my facebook and receiving text messages from possible counter parts. like going on dates because people act weird but sometimes are comfortable and its all this one big ego boost. or not, or the opposite. had a dream that my dad was a drug addict. wrote him about it. wrote him about it in detail. thinking of that time when i complained to you about how jason was too short and you told me to tell him in a compelling tone that he should ¨work on his posture¨ miss the way we use to twirl those flags on the foot ball field. miss the way we werent aloud to be around each other for ¨the rest of our colorguard career¨ miss how our color guard career didnt last long. miss how we both moved away to different schools and hated most people around us as they felt boring. miss mac n cheese and lotion on my feet and rubbing my feet on your head and pretending i was 19.

Boyfriends

only exist

to make you feel like shit

Went to a local bar today that charged ladies only $2 per drink.if there is a better deal than this please let me know. Drank more than 4 drinks and became belligerent with my Asian counterpart. Became involved in an argument that included many nearby friends. Every body knows our business. Came home angry and took off my makeup in despair. Going to bed in a terrible mood and don't give a fuck about it.

Good NIGHT.