let's write something cool

ideas are coming out my hair at one hundred miles per minute. where is my hairspray to keep it all together? i used to live in this one house then i moved to another house and one house is more haunted than the other. i drank a beer and ate a brownie that was injected with special ingredients. infused is a better word and sounds less drug-related. anyhow. i digress. i desperately seek the enjoyment that a television would provide me but the cable box is moving at a speed of one millimeter a second. all i want for my birthday is a bag of cheetoes.

went to mac today to buy makeup and tried on one million eyeshadows and one million lipsticks. i felt bad for having the girl help me for so long but that's what she's getting paid $14 an hour to do. so i tried one million eyeshadows and said, 'okay ill take this one' and felt bad about saying 'i'll pass on the lipstick' after taking one million minutes of her time. i went up to the counter and said 'i have six containers to get the free eyeshadow" and it was apparent that i am non-jew with a jew name and jew-like qualities.

why does my mouth taste like a soccer player's butthole? i brought a banana to the room when i got home and also brought up the bag of takis. want to get the lay's but i'm too comfortable in this horizontal position.

my boobs weigh five pounds each and weigh down my lungs. they shoot into the night sky like two twin towers. the bigger the boobs, the closer to god.